Hey guys, I have a joke for you. Hope you all like it!!

THE MOLES...

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.

One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole sniffs the air and says,'Yum! I smell maple syrup!'

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole sniffs the air and says 'Yum! I smell honey!'

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can\'t because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, 'Geez, all I can smell is....

MOLASSES

Did you hear about the man that drowned in his muesli? A strong currant pulled him in.

Larry opens his fridge door and inside is a rabbit, surprised Larry exclaims, "What are you doing in there?" and the rabbit replies, "Is this a Westinghouse?" Larry says "Yes it is, why?" and the rabbit lays down on the shelf and says, "Well I'm just Westing (resting) for a while"

Hey larry Did you Know dat dolphins And Humans Are the only 2 Things that Have Sex For Pleasure.

Fun Fact.. the new Bundy Rum Rebellion cans (440ml) are awesome, not only do they taste great, you can also fit a stubbie cooler on them whilst they're in your cup holder in your car.. normal cans can't (not tall enough) i bet your gunna try that one a.s.a.p Larry... Ha Ha

A COUPLE HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR 65 YEARS WAS ASKED,WHAT DO YOU ATTRIBUTE YOUR LONG MARRIAGE TOO. THE WOMAN TURNS TO THE INTERVIEWER AND CASUALLY REESPONDS "HE JUST WON'T DIE"

a joke for you don`t know if its appropriate but gave me a laugh little old lady off with the fairies in nursing home used to run up and down hallway lifting her nightie above her head calling out super sex ran up to old bloke sitting in corridor in his wheelchair lifted her nightie and called out super sex. He sat for a while with serious look on his face and said I`ll have the soup please.

No matter how much horsepower your truck has it still can't cut a calf from the herd.

the white of bird poop is their pee pee

something fun - the australian dollar's value will never fall as low as some folk will stoop to get it!

That Perth is the most isolated city in the world and Mt Isa is the largest regional city.

LATE ONE NIGHT A MAN RUSHES INTO A DOCTOR'S OFFICE AND SAYS "THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, I NEED HELP. I THINK I'M A MOTH". THE DOCTOR SAYS "I'M A G.P. -

IF YOU THINK YOU ARE A MOTH YOU REALLY NEED TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST". "I KNOW THAT" REPLIES THE MAN. "SO WHY DID YOU COME IN HERE THEN?" ASKS THE DOCTOR. "YOUR LIGHT WAS ON" SAYS THE MAN.

"POSITIONS VACANT"

A BLOKE GOES INTO THE JOB CENTRE IN BRISBANE AND SEES A CARD ADVERTISING FOR A GYNAECOLOGIST'S ASSISTANT, INTERESTED TO GOES TO LEARN MORE

CAN YOU GIVE ME SOME MORE DETAILS HES ASKS THE GUY BEHIND THE COUNTER

ON YES HERE IT IS. OK THE JOB ENTAILS YOU GETTING PATIENTS READY FOR THE GYNAECOLOGIST

YOU HAVE TO HELD THEM OUT OF THEIR UNDERWEAR, LIE THEM DOWN AND WASH THEIR NETHER REGIONS, THEN APLY SHAVING FOAD AND SHAVE OFF ALL THEIR PUBIC HAIR, RUN IN SOOTHING OILS SO THEY ARE READY FOR THE DOCTOR'S EXAMINATION

THERE IS AN ANNUAL SALARY OF $85,000.00 BUT YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO DARWIN.

OH SAID THE APPLICANT IS THAT WHERE THE JOB IS?

NO REPLIED THE ASSISTANT THAT'S WHERE THE END OF THE QUEUE IS!

Did you hear Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman have already named their expectent baby? They are going to call it "SUB" ............. "SUBURBAN"

I went to the cemetery yesterday, there were 4 pall bearers walking around with a coffin.

3 hours later they were still walking around with it. I thought to myself . . . . .

These fellows have lost the PLOT!!

Three snails, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. They pack a picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is a mile away so it takes them ten days to get there. When they do, Mick unpacks the food and beer. Ok Roy give me the bottle opener', 'I didn't bring it' says Roy. 'I thought you packed it'. Mick gets worried, he turns to Andy,' Did you bring the bottle opener'. Naturally Andy didn't bring it. So they're stuck a mile from anywhere without a bottle opener. They both beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches when he's gone. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their snail lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving, but a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind a rock and shouts

 'I knew it'......I'm NOT going'.

Q.Why does Rudolph pass every test and quiz?

A.He is very bright and he nose alot!

when i was on holiday last year up north with my sister we were listening to kix on the computer and making lunch at the same time and we were making salad wraps with mountain bread it had a little packet in with it and i thought it was flavouring... only to find out this year on holidays in South australia that is was moisture crystals now my family call me crystal moist and they wonder why i look younger:)

In California the law still states that more than 3000 sheep cannot be herded down Hollywood Blvd. at any one time.

Found this on a website for strange facts.

A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.

Now, you probably won't remember but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.

You're going to be OK, you will walk again, regain just about everything,

but, something happened.

I'm trying to break this gently, your .Ahmmm. manhood was chopped off in

the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The bloke groans but the doctor goes on "But it's going to be alright, we have the technology now to build you a new one that will work as well as

your old one did, better, in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap.

It's a thousand pounds an inch".

The bloke perks up at this, even though it's a thousand pounds an inch.

So the thing is" the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a vital role in helping you make the decision."

So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor "have you spoken with your wife?" I have," says the fellow. And has she helped you in making the decision?"She has," says the bloke. And what is it?" asks the doctor.The bloke looks up and says "We're getting a new kitchen".

Just thought I'd let you know that an Ostriches eye is bigger than it's brain.

Dolphins and Humans are the only two things that have sex for pleasure

A married man was visiting his mistress one day, when she requested that he shave his beard.

"Oh James," she pleaded, "I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome, clean-shaven face."

James quickly replied, "My wife loves this beard, Jocelyn. I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!"

"Oh, please?" Jocelyn asked again, in a sexy little voice.

"Oh really, I can't," he replied. "She loves it … I just can't!"

But Jocelyn was seductively persistent, and he sighed and finally gave in.

That night, a worried James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. The wife woke up and sleepy felt his face.

Suddenly she was wide awake and sitting bolt upright in the bed. She said tersely, "Jesus Christ, Michael! What the hell are you doing here? My husband will be home any minute!"

Hey Larry a Quote I love, Opportunities are never lost, the ones you miss are always picked up by someone else! Keep up the good work!

did you know "forty" is the only number spelt in alphabetical order

I have learnt It's better to be wrong and learn why, than to be right and not know why

We can only fly as high as the dreams we dare to live.

If you can see down it, up it or through it, dont wear it!!!!

A profound thought for those of us who think we are better then some.

Remember when the game is over the King and the Pawn go in the same box.

Just thought I would share a little fact I heard the other day.

"Perspiration is odourless. Bacteria on the skin creates the odour"

Have a fun fact for you ?? " A 2007 study found that the average Australian walks 900 miles a year. Another study found that Australians drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Australians get 41 miles per gallon. Not bad Hey ?

A husband says to his wife I think I might go to the doctor and get some of that viagra .the wife says then I'm going to get a tetnus shot.the husband querys why! the wife say if your going to put that rusty old thing near me I'll need a tetnus shot. have a good one love kix country.tania

Bob the builder was going through a house he had just built with the

woman owner. She was telling him what colours to paint each room.

They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue."

The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was

to be bright red.

The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan.

The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I

keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell green

side up; what is that for?"

 The builder said, "Oh don't worry about that, I've got a couple of

Kiwi's laying the turf out front."

Bill picks up a hitch hiker and after a bit of chit chat says "If you can guess what I have in the glove box I'll make love to you" After a lot of thought the hitcher hiker says " an elephant" Bill Says " thats close enough"

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a

wall.

He asks the blonde clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The blonde clerk responds, "Well, he came in here this morning to get

something for his cough I couldn't find the cough syrup, so gave him an

entire bottle of laxative."

The pharmacist yells, "You idiot. You can't treat a cough with a laxative."

The blonde clerk responds, "Of course you can. Look at him, he's afraid to

cough" .

Larry, my husband thinks that singing "Ticks" to me is guaranteed to put me "in the mood".In his dreams!

My Message To Live By-

Life is Short, Break the Rules, Forgive Quickly, Kiss Slowly, Love Truly, Laugh Uncontrollably, And NEVER regret anything that made you SMILE:)

Cheers for keeping me Country- Berny!

The Corb Lund song "Truck got stuck" really happened up in Gulf country, Queensland in 2003. Friend took his visiting mate to the local, and when they finished for the night, they decided to do some "doughnuts" on the mud flats. It is so flat up there, and at high tide, the flats still look solid, especially when you're not seeing too straight. They were in friend's old work ute, an oldish Land Rover, and drove out, and sunk to the axles.

Friend said "Don't worry. I'll get the wife's 4WD, and pull it out." he walked home, a couple of kilometres, and got the wife's car, and guess what? Straight down. His visitor was incapable of walking much, so gave friend the keys to his 'bigger' 4WD, which had towed a huge van around, and said get my car, she'll work.... it didn't.Finally friend walked home for the third time, got his motor bike, and brought the visitor home.

I reckon all the walking in the night air had sobered friend up.

When the family woke the next morning, we heard friend going off on his bike, with no cars to be seen.He brought wife's extremely muddy car home first and drove her to work, promising car would be spotless next time she saw it!(It was).

He drove out and pulled the other two cars out, with the help of some other mates, and spent the day with the hose. No one said anything, as we couldn't stop laughing, and he didn't think it was funny.

I laugh every time I hear that Corb Lund song. No 'genetically modified canola' was used, but I have no idea how he got them out.

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

coffee, chocolate and men...are soooo much better if they're RICH!!

Do you know that mosquitoes have 47 teeth?

My hubby Rick one day said to me there is a thing called F**k in the potatoes, and I sat there thinking, "Whats he on about?", and then he shows me the spuds on the stove and says to me "see your boiling the f**k out of them."

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says NO -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from party, the police pull him over. They check his license and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house around the block. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they'll be right back and they run around the corner to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Smith is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police still have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.

True story, told by the driver at his first AA meeting.

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court,but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story, After a long moment of silence , the man rose from his chair and replied:"Judge, when I put a dollar into the vending machine ,and a Pepsi comes out ,does the Pepsi belong to me or the machine?"

Don't laugh , he won.

umm the other day April 1(April fools day my brother got this txt joke It said - you took me in to a dark alley way, you put ur hand on my waist, took off my top and put ur lips on mine

Thank god I was only a coke bottle.

Just a joke for you Larry, I thought it was funny.

An elderly man in Central Queensland had owned a property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile."

Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.

Larry I think I have alcohol constipation I haven't past a pub all week.

I have learnt that when you lose, don't lose the lesson.

thanks Larry

John in Port Lincoln, SA...

Scott in Spotswood, Vic(listening online)...

Kim in Townsville, Q...

Scott in Mackay, Q...

Charlene in Yeppoon, Q...

Bek in Fernvale, Q...

Edna in Nanango, Q...(listening to K-FM translator)

Michael in Townsville, Q...

Kim in Wulguru,Q...

Kate in Mackay,Q...

Erin in Maryborough,Q...

Tracey in Bundaberg,Q...

Kate in Mackay,Q...

Marlene in River Heads,Q...